I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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