just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
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