I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
