I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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