non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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