Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
