I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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