I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
