just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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