I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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