It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
