if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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