Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
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