I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
