I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
