needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
