did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
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