i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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