I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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