college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
