Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
