"it" just moved
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
