I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
ok first of all what the fuck
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
