Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
