If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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