if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
