Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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