and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
