I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
