I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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