just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
