Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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