wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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