I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
