Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
