Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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