One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Randomize
