Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
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