It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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