So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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