We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
