im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
