dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
