dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
