I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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