they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
