this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
