a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Come share oat with me in your robe
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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