worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
