I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I'm way too hungover for life right now
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
