He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
