i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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