You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
