i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
